Despite all this, we did finish well. The canoe trip was fun, a welcome respite from my regular chaplain’s work with the elderly and the dying, and successful in ways not obvious to the casual observer.
Within the safety net of caring adults, we never gave up on each other. Within a group agreement, teens “enjoy” the freedom to make mistakes and suffer natural consequences; thus they learn to fail forward not backward. The goal is to turn their mistakes into stepping stones, to get unstuck, overcome fears, and move forward in life.
Friends—the family we choose for ourselves—that means the world to these foster kids. Also to their current families, who appreciated the value of this trip for one and all, before and after the kids were temporarily in our charge. The kids’ hate for the foster care system wasn’t against particular families, but how decisions are made against their will. Evidently, our fostering of real choice, personal responsibility, and new friendships was on the mark.
While my story for this week must come to an end, theirs is an unfinished story. Big City Mountaineers and the nonprofit social service agencies who work with this target population get to reveal this story and reap the harvest after years of sowing seeds. Those guys are the real heroes. So are you foster parents who care for, and try to heal, such broken, fragile lives. Together we are planting and cultivating seeds of change that will bear fruit in years to come. I also saw myself in these boys and dealt with my own stuff. Sadly, some new growth will be choked off, as these boys (and me) return to the lure of city life and former habits.
Peter De Long, Eric Gruen and Todd Svanoe, all of Minneapolis, also contributed to this article.